This hadith shows the important of the parents' role in teaching their children.
Parents should take care of their children and bring them up according to the Islamic manners and adab. Parents should be a good example in their behavior because children like to imitate their parents in sayings and deeds.
Parents should share responsibility raising up and educating their children.
In Al-Qur'an (surah at-Tahreem 66:6) stated that: "O' you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones."
We do not want to be fuel in the Hell fire.
Islamic Manners and Adab In Hadiths
Some of the hadiths are:
- The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "The believers who have the most perfect faith are those who have the best manners." [Abu Daawood]
- The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "The example of the believers in their reciprocal love and mercy is like a human body, when one of its organs suffers, the rest of the body remains awake and suffers fever." [Muslim]
Islamic Manners and Adab In Al Qur'an
Some of the statements in Al-Qur'an are:
- "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age in your life, never say 'uff’ (an expression of displeasure), nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, 'My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.'" (Al-Qur'an surah al-Isra' 17:23 and 24)
- ''Worship Allah and associate none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, the needy, the neighbor who is near of kin, the neighbor who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful. " (Al-Qur'an surah an-Nisa' 4:36)
- "Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, and those who are with him are severe against disbelievers, and merciful among themselves. You see them bowing and prostrating (in prayer), seeking bounty from Allah and His pleasure.… " (Al-Qur'an surah al-Fath 48:29]
What and How To Teach Islamic Manners and Adab
- Teaching About Islam, Iman, and Ihsan.
Parents should teach the religion to their children, such as
- teaching Al-Qur'an.
- teaching Hadiths.
- what is Islam, Iman, and Ihsan,
- teaching praying or salah five times a day,
- fasting in the month of Ramadan,
- giving charity and Zakah,
- doing Hajj,
- and other Islamic Studies.
The Prophet sallalahu alaihi wa salam said that: "Order your children to pray at the age of seven. And beat them (lightly), if they do not do so by the age of ten. And separate them in their bedding." (Abu Dawud)
Beating them lightly does not mean to hurt them. Parents should always remind their children about how the important of praying or salah in their life.
I always tell my children that praying or salah five time a day is teaching us about time management in our life. Allah wants us to have good time management in our daily life.
When the peak time during the day people are busy or when the night time people are sleeping in very quiet time, Allah wants us to come closer and talk to Allah in our praying. Praying or salah is also very good for our body and soul.
There is also another hadith about the important of praying or salah.
"The first act that the servant of Allah will be accountable for on the Day of Judgment will be salah. If it is good, then the rest of his acts will be good. And if it is evil, then the rest of his acts will be evil." (Tabarani)
- teaching Al-Qur'an.
- Teaching Nicely and Patiently.
Parents should teach nicely and patiently.
The Prophet sallalahu alaihi wa salam taught us to be nicely and patiently to the children.
When he was praying as an Imam with the people, his grandson Al-Hasan, son of his daughter Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, rode his back while he was bowing. The Prophet sallalahu alaihi wa salam lengthened his bow. When he finished his prayer, some attending Companions said, "You lengthened your bow?" Then the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, answered, "My grandson rode my back and I hate hastening him."
It was also mentioned in the two books of Al-Bukhari and Muslim that `A’ishah radiallahu anha said that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his house) kissed Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein (his grandsons) while Al-Aqra’ ibn Hobis Al Tamimi was present. So Al Aqra’ said, "I have ten children. I have never kissed any of them!"
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his house) looked at him and said, "He who does not have mercy will not have mercy upon him."
These hadiths tell us that parents should be nice, kind, patient, and have mercy upon the children.
- Teaching To Find Good Friends.
We, as parent, should always remind the children to find good friends, because friends will influence to their behavior.
The Prophet sallalahu alaihi wa salam said that: "Man is inclined to get influenced by his friend's manners, so one must be careful in choosing friends." (Reported by Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi)
- Teaching About The Brotherhoods and Sisterhoods In Islam.
Parents should bring the children to the masjids, Islamic events, and Muslim communities. Telling and reading Islamic stories can help teaching the children how to choose their examples and models. The children should also learn about Islamic greeting (in pdf) or salam.
- Teaching About Halal (permissible) and Haram (forbidden) in Islam.
The children should be taught about the manner of eating and halal and tayyib foods.
- Teaching About Jannah and Naar.
Parents should also teach the children about Jannah (Paradise) and Naar (Hell). Teaching Islamic manners and adab can implants the love and the fear of Allah into the children's heart.
In Al Qur'an ( surah At-Taubah: ayah 105) stated that: "And Say Do deeds! Allah will see your deeds, and (so will) his Messenger and the believers. And you will be brought back to the All-Knower of the unseen and the seen. Then He will inform you of what you used to do."
- Teaching The Children To Be Patient And Taqwa.
Parents should teach the children that life in this world is just a test for Muslim. When the children are happy, they will be thankful only to Allah. When the children are sad, they should always be patient and taqwa.
When the children grow up, they will be more prepared to be patient during painful and be more thankful in happiness because his parents taught him about Iman (faith).
- Teaching Not to Backbiting and Slandering
Parents should teach the children not to backbiting and slandering. We should always say the truth to them. What parents said in the house will be imitated by the children.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "Do you know what back biting is?” They (companions) said: "Allah and His Messenger know best." He sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "It is to attribute to your brother what he dislikes." He sallallahu alaihi wa salam asked: "What do you think if what I say about my brother is true?" He sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "If what you attribute to him is true, then you have backbitten him, and if it is not true, then you have lied about him." [Muslim]
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "Talebearer will not be admitted to Paradise." [Muslim]
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "There are four traits whoever possesses them is a sheer hypocrite, and he who possesses one of them, possesses a trait of hypocrisy unless he quits it. They are: when he speaks, he lies; and when he enters into an agreement, he acts unfaithfully; when he promises, he breaches his promise; and when he litigates, he behaves treacherously. While the liar receives the anger of Allah on the Day of Resurrection." [Al-Bukhaari]
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa salam said that: "He who guarantees, what is in between his jaws (tongue), and what is in between his thighs (private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him." [Al-Bukhaari]
- Teaching about Cleanliness.
"Cleanliness is part of Iman" (Bukhari) and "Allah is pure and He loves purity" (Muslim). These hadiths show the importance of cleanliness. Cleanliness is also part of prayer. Parents should teach the children how to take wudu and manners in bathroom.
The easy way in teaching Islamic manners and adab to the children is to practice Islam and show good examples in the children daily life.
Parents should be a good example in their behavior because children like to imitate their parents in their sayings and their deeds.
The best way to teach Islamic manners and adab is to have the children's hearts the love for Allah and the Prophet sallalhu alaihi wa salam. It means that parents should teach the children about Al-Qur'an and Hadiths and practice in their daily life.
The children should learn Islamic manners and adab toward the parents, the relatives, and the community by being:
- no backbiting and slandering,
- no lying,
May Allah always help us in teaching our kids to be good Muslim. Ameen.